Unknown Identity

My alarm starts beeping, confirms that it is 6 in the morning although one cannot make out just by looking at the sky. It was still dark. The thick grumbling dark clouds made it appear ever darker. I crashed myself in the bean-bag I placed in my balcony. The cool silent breeze somehow made my balcony more of a comfort zone than my whole flat. And it was matter of seconds before the downpour started. I kind of loved it when it rained and I positioned myself comfortable in the balcony. Just staring at the rain drops, the rustling noise they make, somehow they place me at ease. The rampant rain crashing on the nearby banyan tree and the leaves struggling every time to recover. The little sprinkles reaching out to my hand leaving behind a refreshing sting in my body. Maybe it was the cologne of the rain which mesmerised me.

I stayed stupefied, like an onyx, refusing to bounce back to my sullen universe. Half-heartedly, I left my posture only to get ready for the day at my niggling job.

By the time I left my apartment, the downpour had come to halt. On arrival at my office, I headed straight to my cubicle. The office always seemed like a dormitory turned into cubicle-hive. A constant clatter of keyboard was audible in the entire office. Sometimes I wondered if this sound was significant in the adjacent floors too. My table awaited 3 new files and 2 from the unfinished business from the last week.

There was time, when I used to be elated about my job. 2 years ago, it was like stepping into a whole new aspect of life. Maybe part of it was due to the fact that straight out of college I got myself placed in a company, which I would not consider totally in my domain. Actually, ‘Tech-soft’ being the only company visiting the campus. So, I preferred something over nothing. Gradually I was frayed by this job. My work kept on gnawing me on my insides. It was like I was prepared for some other task, and in the haste of situation I just opted for this job. Any software guy would have loved this desk job, but for me this job was devouring me.

By the lunch time, there was news in the office. The company had suffered a major setback in the profits and the management had decided to ‘redesign’ their staff structure. So, it kind of meant that the employees were about to be chastised, either monetary cut outs, or expulsion from their current stature i.e. ‘fired’. The tensed look on the face of each employee was evident. All the cubicle-resident-foreheads were marked “Will I make it”? Probably some of them had already started brushing up their resume.

For me it was more like ‘Ok, someone just let me know when the list is out’. And honestly, this was the first time in my job span of 2 years that I really didn’t care if I was in a green or red zone. My performance reviews were decent, like tending to average. I was more than happy that I could achieve even that. The guy sitting in the cubicle next to me gave me a ‘Don’t you dare eat my job’ look.

I was rather happy about my weekend about to initiate plus a day’s leave for Monday which I took for the first time in 6 months. Vankush and Purab, my friends since school were arriving from Delhi. We were planning an excursion and finally were able to imply it out of our phones. I was filled with gusto as finally it was time for me to sneak out of my lame schedule and office work.

Weekend days passed in no time as they kept on filling their Mumbai Dairies. Monday called for Lonavala and adjacent areas. We decided it to be a road trip. As soon as you hire a car and hit the road, there is a strange feeling of ‘exemption of any kind of obligations’. You surrender yourself to nature at times, and allow her to charm you in the best way she can.

The day kick started at Khandala, where the scenic beauty seemed picturesque. The lush green vantage point to the valley was something which leaves you almost stunned and spell-bound. Then we spear headed to Bushi Dam and water falls. The scaling of the heights till the top of waterfall was something which made our day. Finally we reached Tiger point. It was around late after-noon when we were visually treated by the magical view of the cliff top with a sheer drop of over 650 m.

At Tiger point, there is a bulwark of height around 4 ft tall and railings at around every 1 feet of its total height. Purab was showing his ‘snap-skills’ as I and Vankush hit the railing for poses. Suddenly we noticed a kid, nearly 4 year old, crossed the rails and reaching out for his balloon which got carried away. Few steps more and his identity would be subjected only to surreal world. His parents were nowhere identifiable in the near vicinity. Vankush and I rushed, crossed the fence and grabbed the kid’s hands as he was merely 2-3 steps away from an unimaginable fate. The sudden motion of ours drew attention of the nearby public and the parents of the kid too, who were probably till now occupied capturing their perfect picture. The parents of the kids rushed to us, his mother grabbed her child and his father came to us to thank for saving his kid. More of it seemed as if a filmy scene, with crowd gathered with indistinct inane conversation.

The crowd dispersed too quite soon and we three were left with the kid and his parents. Both of them were filled with gratitude and they requested us to join them for lunch.

We entered a restaurant, which seemed more like a garden estate. At the entrance was a pergola, beautifully decorated, which extended approximately till 20m, leading us to the inner restaurant area. The ambiance couldn’t have been better. Neither too clumsy, nor too isolated; amidst the lovely garden were placed the tables. We placed ourselves comfortably. Although formal identity had already been exchanged, this time we were going over it again with better details. They introduced themselves as Naina and Suchit Bansal, both working with Tech-trix India Pvt. Ltd. While Purab and Vankush were introducing themselves better, I excused myself to attend a call from my office colleague.

‘Yeah bro, it’s official. 18 of us have no more jobs’, said Sanket from the other side of the call.

It was disappointing to hear that. But still I was hoping for the other news to follow else he wouldn’t have called only.

‘Both of us have lost it yaar’, said a sulky Sanket. I could have guessed it from the moment he called. His telephonic demeanour was a clear indication of this news. I was yet to figure out whether it was good or bad. I felt kind of neutral on this news. Maybe because I was having a brilliant jaunt with my friends, or because I no longer wished to be with my ugly job and I needed this termination push as I couldn’t had done it on my own.

‘Shit man. That’s terrible news’, I said. I didn’t want him to feel alone in his ‘job-lost-moment’. I was like ‘we are in the same mud pool together’.

‘Now what, planned anything?’, I continued.

‘Don’t know. I applied several companies recently. I’ll wait till they confirm. What other choice do I have?’ said Sanket and I realised that I am alone in the mud pool.

‘Listen, let’s meet tomorrow and we’ll figure out what next to do’, said Sanket in a slight reassuring tone yet gloomy.

‘Sure. I’ll call you’, I affirmed.

I went back dejected to the table where rest of the guys had reached an informal level of conversation.

‘So, what field are you in’, asked Suchit as he pointed towards me.

‘I am……actually ‘was’ working with Tech-soft’, I replied. Probably still figuring out what it actually meant to me.

I mean, it was a decent job, at least was sufficient enough to pay-off my bills, getting me off my edu-loan. Yes, parents were happy enough to describe me as a good 6 digit salary owner. So from where terms like ‘dullness’ and ‘job-satisfaction’ were coming? Was I being too sentimental or flecky about this? I mean, there were times when I was feeling good about my job, but for now the feeling has vanished. Like if I’m told that I have to be there for the next year or so, then I might think of it. But continuing on the same for an indefinite period was kind of out of scope.

Vankush and Purab were still looking at me at what I just said in a striking manner.

‘What do you mean by “was”’, asked a shocked Purab.

‘I…umm…just got a call from office. And I got fired.’ I tried to maintain a calm composure. There was a lot going in my head and even I didn’t know how to react and how I maintained myself at such ease.

‘Are you kidding or what? How come all of sudden’, asked Vankush in a horribly terrified manner. I guess he was more tensed than me like he lost a job. I should have had at-least half of his expressions.

‘This was not all of sudden. There was a buzz in the office from a week now. It had to be. There were other guys too’, I tried assuring them that I was not the only victim.

This followed an abrupt silence at the table. I guess they weren’t prepared for such a surprise on an outing. Neither was I.

‘Maybe we could be of some help’, intervened Naina. ‘Our company will be hiring the next week. Just send us your resume and we’ll recommend it straight’, she said like she just got an opportunity to get off the debt.

‘Really! Could you? I mean it would be great’, said Vankush much more relieved now. As if he just got relieved from a lump-sum loan.

‘It’s really kind of you to say that, but I actually I don’t want to’, I replied. Both of my friends looked at me as if I just rejected to encash a lottery ticket worth 1 crore. I could see the fork in their hands were about to turn violent at my words.

‘Please don’t think of it otherwise. I mean it would be absolute pleasure for us to help you out’, Suchit tried to convince me for the offer.

So within 5 minutes, I got fired from a job and was being offered another one, hopefully better. I kinda pinched myself, hoping that it ain’t a movie or a dream. To my utter relief, it wasn’t. Everyone on the table was just waiting for the nodding yes from me.

‘I thank both of you for the offer, but I choose to decline’, I said and paused a little. Fortunately none of my friends stabbed me.

‘Look, this whole graduation time I was prepared for a different field and mostly because of lack of companies visiting our campus, I choose Tech-soft. I have been in this field for now approximately 2 years and this job has me totally consumed by now. My last company or yours, I won’t be at ease at this kind of job. Only thing that will change is my cubicle. Actually I disgust myself with my current position. Neither I’m an efficient guy as I used to be 2 years back in my own sphere nor I could find myself at ease with the software industry. I feel like an orphan who has no place to live with peace of mind’, I said trying to defend my point to the mere audience I had. Purab and Bansal Couple were looking a bit convinced. However I was not so sure about Vankush. He looked as if I just discovered a treasure and was willing it to surrender it over to the government.

‘I don’t want to refuse the job offer but I also don’t want to commit to job which doesn’t seem to be in my domain. More than the company, I feel to be cheating myself’, I continued.

For the remaining time, we avoided this topic. I hope that they would know what I meant, although I wasn’t so sure about Vankush. I knew he would latch on this once the eating session is over.

Around evening, we dispersed. Suchit and I exchanged our contacts in case I change my decision. I really felt thankful to them for their generous help.

It’s about a month now since that evening. I have been visiting several companies of my domain, but with my kind of mixed-up resume, their response doesn’t feel solacing. My bank account keeps getting slimmer as each day passes. Sometimes, I feel I should have taken Suchit’s offer. At least that would have kept my money counter running in positive mode.

Time passes and now I’m almost broke. Last few days of struggling before I scale my distance up-to home back. Yet no luck. Then I see my phone ringing, the display says ‘SUCHIT’. I raise my brow a bit. Perhaps his offer still stands. Maybe his company is the only best option I have at ‘jobs’ as of now. Maybe I should have said ‘yes’ then only instead of my ‘garbage speech’ which I probably said for no reason. Nevertheless, I have the chance again.

‘Hey Suchit. It’s good to hear from you after a long time’, I greeted. I think no matter how desperate you are for your job; it would have been way worse if the conversation started with yes-I-accept-your-job.

 ‘Hi….how are things? Got any good job?’ asked Suchit. Believe it, those words stung me.

‘Actually, still struggling with my luck’, I replied with a bit disappointment. Unfortunately I couldn’t resist the tone even if I wish to do so.

‘So, listen. A friend of mine actually is hiring new guys straight out of college for a good firm, the same as you were wishing that day. It’s a perfect job that would suit you. But they won’t….’ continued Suchit.

‘Yes, I will do it. No matter what’, I interrupted him amidst his words.

‘Aree …they won’t pay you half what you were getting’, he tried putting a caution statement.

‘Do you really think it would matter! It’s the only chance that I could get into my sphere. I don’t hope all of a sudden to rise to the top level given my abilities might not be up-to the mark’, I gasped as I skipped a breath. That day I might have accepted the software job too, if he would had offered. And there he was offering me something that lodged for more than 2 months.

‘I don’t know how to thank you for considering me for the given situation. Maybe months back, I couldn’t have realised what would it take to move from one sector to another but now that I have been through all of it I know how much it matters to me now. Seriously, if today had you offered me a software job, can’t say for sure but there are chances that I might have accepted that too. No matter how I was sounding so stiff about going into my own sphere that day but ‘time and money’, these break you down. In desperate times, it’s such that we overlook the source of the money, being satisfied from the job is the long gone option. And now when you are giving me the opportunity to hold both ends of the wire, maybe, not so firm but still it would be one shot to what I wish’, I exaggerated. It was not me speaking this much, it was the 2 month store-house which erupted. I wished to continue more but realised that Suchit had not to bear it all. So, I kind of wished to spare him, after all he was going to give me the ‘job-I-need’.

After the call I placed myself again in the bean-bag in my balcony. It was evening and the clouds were egressing out of zenith, rumbling in full pitch. I waited for the rains, placed comfortably in my balcony. An aspect of life, forgotten in the recent past, was ready to be re-visited again. Hope this time it would be better than the one I started 2 years ago. That was the moment when the whole tenure of 2 years swept past my thoughts in patches. From the day I opted for the software industry to the day I day I got tormented by it. From the moment I was entering the hall for my job interview to the moments when the companies shut their door onto my face. There was a strange lump in my throat, felt like crying reminding all of the past. A tear dwelled up in my eyes. Wasn’t sure it was because of the past, or for the new horizons to discover. The tear was about to roll when rain started to pour. I lifted myself up from my bean-bag and stretched out of my balcony grills and let the tear be disguised in the form of heavenly-water.